FRIDAY THE 13th

FRIDAY THE 13TH
Directed by Marcus Nispel
Written by Damian Shannon, Mark Swift and Mark Wheaton
Stars: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Derek Mears


Today’s young audiences are seemingly incapable of watching anything that isn’t on the new release shelf, perfect chance then for producer Michael Bay to work his way through the horror classics, retooling them into bankable box office fodder. Bay oversaw the similarly re-jigged The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which despite showing ten times more gore as the original, was a fright-less exercise in gross out and an interesting showcase for Jessica Biel’s abs. This latest revamp, of the original Friday the 13th opens with a pre credit sequence in which a group of youth’s decide to pitch tents near the fateful Camp Crystal Lake, scene of innumerable brutal slayings. After fireside ghost stories prove boring, the group pair off for: a) sexy shenanigans b) marijuana consumption and c) reckless exploration of the nearby creepy camp. Mask wearing psychopath Jason Voorhees appears and with supernatural speed, proceeds to machete; bear trap and burn anyone he sees. Of course, that’s just pre-credits. Once we’re into the ludicrously thin plot, yet another group of beautiful people venture lake-side for more partying and more needless exploration of creepy buildings. In keeping with the 80’s horror ethos, graphic nudity precedes a brutal slaying, drug use also means you’re about to cop the business end of a pitchfork and of course, gratuitous sex means you’re about to die horribly but only before you explore the creepiest, darkest room in the house asking loudly if ‘anybody’s there’. It’s almost pantomime in its “he’s behind you!” stupidity but for all its goofiness there’s still an all encompassing enjoyment in watching a bunch of reckless, hedonistic moron’s being axed to death. You’d almost think this stuff was designed to appeal.